Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
