Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
