The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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