His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
