If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
