tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
