The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
