If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
