Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Randomize
