it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
