I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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