I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
