if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
