why didn't you poke me back
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
