Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
