I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
