if only i could text you this smell
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
