he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
