I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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