whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
