Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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