I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
