I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
