u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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