i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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