Someone shit on the floor
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
My vagina just recognized that song.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
