We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
