Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
