a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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