Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Randomize
