is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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