I wanna bring you to show and tell
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
he was CRYING into my vagina
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
