Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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