i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
