Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
