the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Pi๑atas plus fireworks don't mix well
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip ๐๐๐
Your skills amaze me
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
