it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
