I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
