Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
