What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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