Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
