Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
