I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Sext me about skeletons
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
