I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
My vagina is officially offended.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
