dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I came so hard my ears popped.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
