Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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