he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I think my moral compass just broke
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
