I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
honey bunches of taint.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
