is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
