i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I think my moral compass just broke
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
