Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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