I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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