it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
